Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
