Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
