Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
