READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
