A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
