i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
