so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
