I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
organizing the empties. That sober.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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