I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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