I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
