she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
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To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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