please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
