I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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