I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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