Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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