dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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