I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
