I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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