Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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