This is not my ceiling
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
