Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
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Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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