Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
