You're completely useless in the revolution.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
