Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
