are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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