i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
