Sponge bath it is.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
