I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
