I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
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I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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