Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
