You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
