i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
