butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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