Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Let's get the cat blown out
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
