i already hear my dad disowning me
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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