thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.