theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
