Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
