If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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