im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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