what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
