If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize