I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
