I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
