im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
