Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
