I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
