during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
