and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
