Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
And then he peed in my hair
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