it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
