The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize