Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love you. Go after that dick
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
