In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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