Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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