go do what you do best...puke behind churches
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
