My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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