Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
