I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
