I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
