I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
