You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
