Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
