Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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