Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
