Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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