Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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