Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
