thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
