We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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