So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
