Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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