Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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