I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
